How our fears become our strengths
On the power of tender, raw acceptance
We all carry secret fears — those dark, irrational “what-if”’s that cling to us like shadows through our triumphs and our challenges:
What if everyone’s just pretending to respect me? What if people secretly think I’m weird? What if I’m actually no good at this?
I’ve spent a lot of time exploring my secret fears these past few weeks and even more time leaning into the raw, tender acceptance of all the things I don’t want to be. Transitions, especially big, public, vulnerable ones, have a way of doing that to a person. I’ve learned something very important:
The more I share my secret fears and vulnerabilities, the more they begin to feel like strengths.
It’s terrifying to be so open. Of course it is! But even as I peel back my outer layers before the world, I am discovering strength in vulnerability and softness. It feels like new skin, pink and raw, savoring the touch of air for the first time.
Another thing is happening, too. Other people come to me and tell me they’re afraid of exactly the same things. Our life experiences are vastly different, yet we carry the same wounds, the same insecurities, the same false belief that we are not enough as we are. And here I thought I was the only one!
So I challenge you to ponder these questions:
What are you secretly afraid of?
What vulnerable parts of yourself do you keep under lock and key?
What would it feel like to give them light and air instead?
What if those deep, dark, secret fears you carry are actually the seeds of your greatest strengths?
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I am secretly afraid that ...
What if I am actually really fat and not just normal middle age overweight like I think I am and what if the stupid Italian/Polish heritage lip hair that I try so hard to get rid of is something people actually notice every time that they see me?
What if people read what I just wrote and immediately think I am superficial?
What if I never write the really good, true, best, from the heart and written like the writers I admire book and I die leaving behind only the nine "some good, some mediocre, a few I hate" books that I've written?
What if even though I've paid every bill on time and managed to support myself in expensive San Francisco as a writer for nearly twenty years, all the debt and insecure income all catches up with me at some point and everyone realizes I was on a razor's edge of money this entire time and I don't have a clue how I'll continue?
What if I get to the end of my life and have as many regrets as my dad did and the depression comes back and I don't want to live and I choose not to keep trying?
What if?