What if I am actually really fat and not just normal middle age overweight like I think I am and what if the stupid Italian/Polish heritage lip hair that I try so hard to get rid of is something people actually notice every time that they see me?
What if people read what I just wrote and immediately think I am superficial?
What if I never write the really good, true, best, from the heart and written like the writers I admire book and I die leaving behind only the nine "some good, some mediocre, a few I hate" books that I've written?
What if even though I've paid every bill on time and managed to support myself in expensive San Francisco as a writer for nearly twenty years, all the debt and insecure income all catches up with me at some point and everyone realizes I was on a razor's edge of money this entire time and I don't have a clue how I'll continue?
What if I get to the end of my life and have as many regrets as my dad did and the depression comes back and I don't want to live and I choose not to keep trying?
Wow, these are powerful words, Kathryn! I have many of the same fears myself (right down to the (in my case) Sicilian heritage lip hair. Thank you for your honesty and vulnerability!
I am secretly afraid that ...
What if I am actually really fat and not just normal middle age overweight like I think I am and what if the stupid Italian/Polish heritage lip hair that I try so hard to get rid of is something people actually notice every time that they see me?
What if people read what I just wrote and immediately think I am superficial?
What if I never write the really good, true, best, from the heart and written like the writers I admire book and I die leaving behind only the nine "some good, some mediocre, a few I hate" books that I've written?
What if even though I've paid every bill on time and managed to support myself in expensive San Francisco as a writer for nearly twenty years, all the debt and insecure income all catches up with me at some point and everyone realizes I was on a razor's edge of money this entire time and I don't have a clue how I'll continue?
What if I get to the end of my life and have as many regrets as my dad did and the depression comes back and I don't want to live and I choose not to keep trying?
What if?
Wow, these are powerful words, Kathryn! I have many of the same fears myself (right down to the (in my case) Sicilian heritage lip hair. Thank you for your honesty and vulnerability!
Thanks for making a space for it.
Also Sicilian here and Southern Italy (Calabria)