If I take a risk, will you think less of me?
On the exquisite terror of being judged by other people
A few weeks ago, I took a risk.
It was verrry scary. I envisioned all kinds of catastrophic scenarios:
No one would care.
People would say mean things.
I’d lose a bunch of subscribers.
I’d make an embarrassing mistake.
People I respect would quietly judge me and think a little bit less of me.
The first four are pretty predictable. They’d sting if they happened, but they’re part and parcel of the risk/reward calculation. And of course they aren’t actually catastrophic.
That last one, though — what if people I respect think less of me? Oof. I think we underestimate just how powerful that fear is.
For me, it was so powerful, so deeply ingrained that I didn’t even realize I felt that way until three weeks later when I sat down to write today’s letter!
[As long as we’re being honest, the whole reason I’m thinking about risk at all is because I also sent out a new post from Easeful Marketing today, and I’m feeling all five of those scary bullet points all over again.]
I don’t have a magic answer that can make that fear go away. I can only offer my own experience.
If you were here with me when I took that risk three weeks ago, did you think less of me? Did you quietly judge me, take your estimation of me down a few pegs? Do you judge your friends and loved ones when they take brave risks?
Or, more likely, do you cheer them on and wish for their success? That was certainly the reaction — no, the gift that I received from many of you. Your encouragement meant so much. Some of you even became paid subscribers! My goodness, I couldn’t have asked for a kinder reception than the one you gave me.
Thank you. And…
Could you give that same gift to yourself? Could you dare to believe that the risk you’re afraid to take (you know the one) might also be met with warmth and encouragement? That even if others do think less of you, that’s a them thing and not a you thing?
That if you fail, you can bounce back?
That — and this is a real possibility — you might actually succeed beyond your wildest imaginings?
Oh yeah, understanding that most people who pay attention to what you’re doing are likely to be supportive, and those who aren’t likely to be supportive probably don’t even care about what you’re doing, is a big one ❤️
There is a really cute meme with those two people on a bus, one looking at the rock cliff outside the window on his side and looking miserable, and the other looking at the beautiful view looking delighted… and in this one the sad person is thinking ‘no one cares 😔’ and the happy person is thinking ‘no one cares 🤩’
It struck SO DEEP for me. Like nobody will care that much if you do something awkwardly, or not the way you meant to, because they don’t even know how you meant to do it. And most people who stick around you already like your vibe. So it makes sense they will continue to like it.
I’m intrigued now to know what you did 3 weeks ago! Great share here. We all spend way too much time in judgement of ourselves so think others do the same. Most of the time people support us, don’t really care or are not paying that much attention 🤷♀️