Stop waiting for permission — signed, Mariah Friend
Stop waiting for permission — signed, Mariah Friend
Creative Dialogue #3
Creative Dialogues is an ongoing project to learn from fellow artists. I’ve interviewed an astonishingly wonderful variety of creative individuals about their art, creative practices, and how they make it all work (interviews are ongoing — DM me if you’d like to participate).
How it works: I send every participant a list of questions about creativity and the creative practice. They respond to the five questions that resonate most, so every interview reflects the artist’s own curiosities and interests.
Today’s interview is with Mariah Friend, a writer and poet who has made it her work to create spaces of belonging and authentic connection — whether that’s through poetry, nature journaling, or cultivating our relationship with Spirit.
Mariah is a writer, former ICU nurse, new mama, grieving daughter, tarot reader, and many more ways of being and expressing herself in the world. She writes Heartbeats, a weekly-ish newsletter on Substack for spiritual creatives, caregivers, and messy humans. She recently lauched a new season of Creative Contemplation — rituals and practices for nurturing our creativity and tending to our spirit in harmony with the energy of the seasons. She also has a tarot newsletter called Clarity for Crossroads.
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When did you first realize you were a writer?
Way too late in the game, if you ask me! My journey as a creative is one of reclamation, remembering who I am (instead of who I was told to be), and collecting the little clues that are sprinkled throughout my life.
I thought my profession and my poor drawing skills were all the evidence I needed to confirm my lack of creativity.
I decided pretty early (around thirteen or fourteen), with the help of my mother, that I was going to be a nurse. It was definitely a practical decision and one that appealed to my desire to heal and provide care for others. However, I was miserable in nursing school. And I was miserable in my job working in the ICU, too. For years, I believed (and said it out loud) that I wasn’t creative.
I thought my profession and my poor drawing skills were all the evidence I needed to confirm my lack of creativity. Unfortunately, I had very narrowly defined what creativity is, overlooking the examples of creativity everywhere– in the types of books I liked to read, in the piles of journals I’d kept since the 5th grade, and in ways I thought differently from others.
When you realize that the very way you move through the world is an act of creation, it’ll give you the confidence to tap into that energy in more conscious ways.
My relationship with my creativity began to blossom when I quit my nursing job to travel the world and started a blog to share my adventures with friends and family back home. That blog turned into my first novel (still in progress) and I recognized that what really brings me alive is writing.
I’ve just started calling myself a writer (instead of a stay-at-home mom) in the last few months and it feels so good. It’s not the only way I define myself but I like that it gets to be the first way I introduce myself now. At 36 years old, I’ve finally stopped waiting for others’ validation and claimed it for myself. I encourage others to do the same — don’t wait for permission!
What encouragement would you give to someone who’s struggling to get in touch with their creative self?
Broaden your definition of creativity! How do you do your hair? What kind of food do you like to eat? These are all creative choices you make every day. When you realize that the very way you move through the world is an act of creation, it’ll give you the confidence to tap into that energy in more conscious ways.
At 36 years old, I’ve finally stopped waiting for others’ validation and claimed it for myself. I encourage others to do the same — don’t wait for permission!
I’d also encourage you to think about the ways you created when you were a kid. For me, I loved baking, coloring, and making collages out of garden magazines in my grandmother’s home office. These are all ways I still enjoy being creative today, though I didn’t recognize the connection for many, many years. If you look for clues, you’ll find them! And be playful about it! Don’t let the fear of “being bad” at something stop you from starting.
How do you replenish your creative energy when you’re feeling depleted?
I go for a walk in the woods. Even better if I can go by myself! As someone who deals with a lot of anxiety, being outside helps calm my nerves and puts me into a more receptive state of being. I love stopping along the trail to notice the different plants and snap pictures of certain flowers or colors or textures.
My Dad and I used to do this a lot before he passed away, so it’s also an opportunity to feel his presence with me and tap into the lighthearted way he saw the world. He was very playful, even as an adult. I try to channel that energy when I’m feeling depleted or overwhelmed.
Being outside helps calm my nerves and puts me into a more receptive state of being. I love stopping along the trail to notice the different plants and snap pictures of certain flowers or colors or textures.
Which artists do you return to again and again? What do you love about their work?
Some of my favorites are Andrea Gibson, Mary Oliver, Barbara Kingsolver, and Gabriel García Márquez. What I appreciate about their work is how they’ve all found ways to synthesize the pain and suffering of the world and create something beautiful and resilient out of it. They don’t deny the hard, ugly, or broken bits we all experience as humans. Yet they don’t leave us in a state of despair, either. They contribute to our collective strength and capacity to create despite our challenges, maybe even because of them.
What is the worst creative advice you’ve ever heard? What would you say instead?
I’m thinking of the book The War of Art by Stephen Pressfield as an example of what I think can be harmful, even violent ways of approaching our creativity. I struggled for a long time in writing my book to embrace what I thought was supposed to be a disciplined, controlling attitude when it came to my creativity. I really bought into the idea that creativity and productivity were the same and demanded all kinds of proof and results from my creative practice.
My favorite artists don’t deny the hard, ugly, or broken bits we all experience as humans. Yet they don’t leave us in a state of despair, either. They contribute to our collective strength and capacity to create despite our challenges, maybe even because of them.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I believe discipline is important. But so often I see it as a tool to coerce our creativity instead of entering into a relationship with it. I think capitalism and the patriarchy still have a big influence on how we’re taught to create and I’m trying to slowly walk away from that mentality of linear growth and results-only thinking.
I want to engage in the world with curiosity and openness and so often that requires letting go of outcomes and certainty. I think this actually fuels our creativity and helps it flourish but it means changing our perception of the natural ebb and flow of life. Tuning into nature and the cycles of death and rebirth are helping me to see my creative practice more holistically, as well as giving myself permission to rest and play!
I think capitalism and the patriarchy still have a big influence on how we’re taught to create and I’m trying to slowly walk away from that mentality of linear growth and results-only thinking.
What is one thing this community can do to support you and your work?
Join me for a year of Creative Contemplation! I offer rituals and practices to help discover the patterns in our inner and external worlds and gain a deeper appreciation for how we’re all connected. I also created a free journal/moon calendar and offer monthly tarot and nature journaling workshops.
I strongly believe that recognizing and deepening our relationship to the stars and planets, nature, and each other is powerful and life-changing.
There is only one you. Stop trying to be anybody else.
Any final thoughts on creativity you’d care to leave us with?
Embracing your creativity is one of the bravest and most important things you can do. We need the unique way you create — whether it’s photography, poetry, or how you lead, there is only one you. Stop trying to be anybody else.
WOW - I love this quote: "I’ve finally stopped waiting for others’ validation and claimed it for myself." I hope I can follow that advice because I definitely let what others think get the best of me.